I Want to Remember…

Today I want to remember the simplicity of a gloomy, drizzly day and how it put a lightness in my step. A March day that mimicked spring; the smells, the cloudiness, the 70 degree temperature. Green, trees and flowers are beginning to sprout at the Arb; birds are sounding through the day. Spring is coming. 

Today I want to remember meaningful conversation with a dear friend. We conversed, got real and eventually laughed over a box of Asian fans. Do you ever crave soulful conversations? That’s this friend. She’s full of real-ness and soul. Just what everyone needs. 

Today I want to remember the orange Tiger Lily, amid birthday flowers, that opened, eye to the sky, bloomed. Wow. Yesterday she was enveloped but today, flourishing. 

“I decided that the single most subversive, revolutionary thing I could do was to show up for my life and not be ashamed.” Anne Lamott

Good day, friends. 

Seasons 

The month of October had me feeling headless, emotionally strung out & eventually seeking self-evaluation. Me, in general, has always had a lot of work to do. I grew up annoyingly on the defense, outspoken & overly sensitive. I love people. I love people hard. Too hard sometimes. Hard in the sense of wanting to shake people lose of their insecurities, doubts & fears; in the sense of already knowing what they’re capable of; in the sense of knowing what the wind will feel like on their face when they decide to fly. If they will only choose to release & fly. 

The key word: choose. 

We are all given choices. Pastor Groeschel spoke yesterday on The Time is Now. He spoke about how we come onto moments in our life where something is weighing on our heart, possibly a calling, and rather than acting on it we stumble upon opposition.  We possibly choose the “easy wrong” over the “hard right”. 

To write is a calling pressed upon my heart. It is the greatest joy for me and yet a discipline as well. It is a discipline because my opposition is T I M E. The easy wrong for me in writing is choosing my cell phone, choosing to sleep the extra hour & not being intentional about designating time. 

Time is so sacred. Our choices are equally sacred. The daily choices of whom, what, when, where, how. 

I am in a season of intentional sharpening. Daily, I am seeking ways to refine my mind, actions & words; I am looking to point the finger at myself before ever looking around; I am eager to hug people amidst their joys & concerns but rather than wearing the struggles of others allowing God to be God and trusting in the power of prayer versus my own strength, words & actions. 

I am in a season of looking at the fall leaves and beyond color, seeing life & transformation. I am in a season of slowing down, absorbing the little things & working on my inner flicker, light & passion. 

I am thankful for this season; it is equally inspirational & polishing. It has been a beautiful fall. The winter months will surely uncover its own beauty.  

 

{ p i s c e s }

As the month of March comes to an end, I reflect on how much I love this month, this season.

Mine & my mothers birthdays are on the 1st but that is not the only reason for my adoration. I knew this birthday would be slightly different than those of years 27, 26…& so on. My heart is filled with such gratitude this year that I found this March 1 to hold more emotion compared to others past.

2014 brought me growth, pain, struggle & lessons stemming from poor choice making; all prompting me for strength, courage & emancipation from old parts of myself and delight in my newness.

As March “comes in like a lion & goes out like a lamb”, I am reminded that we all stumble upon our lion-like state of affairs filled with disorder, confusion & uncertainty. But I have learned that it is in those times that our inner lioness is awakened & born; that with a little patience, trust, & courage we can find our footing, direction & purpose once more.

Like the tulips that use the month of March to sprout, grow & bloom…{I} will too. {You} will too. {We} will too.

To a beautiful month, my most favorite month, I am grateful to be a part of you.

 

Celebrate Me Home…

This is my favorite time of the year & my first holiday season back in Kansas from my stint in Texas; chalking up another journey of “self discovery”.

Five years ago I would have laughed in the face of anyone who told me I would ever reside in Kansas once more; and this time, it’s by choice.

My journey in Texas collected miles & I missed my family & loved ones more & more. I was absent from graduations, birthdays, reunions; the absence from simpler day-to-day excursions was just as annoying.

Seeing as this wasn’t the first time I packed my car & went vagabond, I knew these yearnings for home were coming from a different place.

Maybe a “grown” place.
A “seen enough” place.
To some, a “quitter” place.
But in fact, a place of “growth”was ensuing.

A place where I had realized that my geographical whereabouts do not define me; nor does my status, things of monetary value or the job that I possess. That my spirit is not hindered or altered by my surroundings but by my own mindset, insecurities & inhibitions.

That because He is within me I am able to be the vessel He has created me to be; present & purposeful, no matter where I am.

The change I was once praying for, in fact, would be a change of my own heart.

It took nearly a year of patience & courage but I was able to wave goodbye to Texas knowing that my growing pains lead to growth that lead me home.

#GratefulHeart.
#KansasChristmas.
#CelebrateMeHome.

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